October 2013 Edition #12: C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE CHUD

Director: David K. Irving
Screenplay: M. Kane Jeeves
Starring: Brian Robbins, Bill Calvert, Tricia Leigh Fisher, Gerrit Graham, Robert Vaughn
Release Date: September 27th, 1989 (VHS)



Aw fuck, man, do I really have to review this movie for you guys? I don’t want to. I really don’t. I’ve put off writing this thing for over two weeks, because I knew I’d eventually have to think of…..something…..anything to say about C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE CHUD. I don’t want to. I can’t. I refuse. This movie is bad, and wrong, and you are bad and wrong for expecting me to relive what I witnessed on that bargain-basement DVD. But if I have to, I’m going to make this short and sweet.

Alright, so here’s the deal. It’s been a long damn time since I’ve seen C.H.U.D. A really long goddamn time. While the flick is ultimately rather silly and cheap, that was not the goal the filmmaker’s set out to achieve, and so the flick sorta works despite itself. It’s tale of homelesss itinerants being transformed into sewer-dwelling hellbeasts by toxic waste made for a decent, if intensely stupid eco-horror film. C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE CHUD, on the other hand, is just the worst kind of a movie, a derivative knock off, an asinine piece of garbage that trades off of the recognizability of the original’s title in order to simultaneously rip off both one of the best and one of the worst horror comedies of the 1980’s.

The plot follows a cadaver, the last of the C.H.U.D.’S, code-named Bud (Graham) by the U.S. military. They’ve decided to shut down the C.H.U.D. program and have frozen his body and shipped it off to, and I quote, “a government research facility in some podunk town.” In that podunk town two hight schoolers, Steve (Robbins) and Kevin (Calvert) accidentally lose the corpse intended for dissection in their biology class (don’t get me started), and decide to sneak into the nearby military base to steal a corpse to replace it. They steal Bud, accidentally reanimate him via electrocution, and non-stop retardity ensues.

Despite the title’s claim, Bud is not a C.H.U.D. He’s a fucking zombie, and his name is partially stolen from Bub the zombie from George Romero’s DAY OF THE DEAD. The first act of this movie, with the kids stealing the corpse from the secret lab, is a direct lift from NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, and the ensuing small-town zombie invasion plays out almost identically to RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II, a movie that nobody over the age of 12 years old actually likes. C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE CHUD  is a zombie movie pretending to be a sequel to C.H.U.D. because the producer’s didn’t want to get sued for ripping off a more popular franchise. Bud walks around the town while a horrible “Bud The CHUD” theme song plays and, instead of crying for “Brains!”, goes around screaming “Meat!”. He bites a bunch of people, turning them into C.H.U.D.’s, and Steve and Kevin team up with their girlfriend to try to stop the zombie plague while Colonel Masters (Vaughn) tries to track down the monster and clean up the mess himself, eventually leading to a climax in which the zombies…I’m sorry I mean C.H.U.D.’s are defeated via electricity, just like in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II.

I have no idea what the fuck Robert Vaughn is doing in this movie, and neither, I suspect, does he. He merely walks around in military attire, randomly flails around a cane, and improvises all of his lines….badly. So very  badly. The humor in this flick is what really kills it. “This C.H.U.D.’s for you!” is literally the cleverest line in the flick. Fuck you and your grandchildren if you think that shit is funny! In my opinion, there is nothing in this world worse than a failed comedy,  and C.H.U.D. II is one of the biggest failures I’ve ever seen. Of all the films to rip off, why RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II? This flick manages to somehow be lamer than that one, and that is no mean feat.

The acting is just fucking…..look, Gerrit Graham is the star of this flick, which is all you really need to know. It’s bad, the music is bad, the make-up effects are terrible, the gore is non-existent, the humor is terrible,  and did I mention they rip-off one of the worst sequels ever? Fuck! The only redeemable part of this flick is the random half-second cameo from Robert Englund, and that only managed to make me mad that his name was sullied by being linked with this piece of garbage.

Really, though! What are you doing here, Mr. Englund?!

I’ve wasted more time writing about this flick than is warranted. It is far from the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but goddamn…..I really struggled to get through this. It’s not even bad in an entertaining way, and I actively hated everybody involved for participating in this. Do yourself a favor. Watch C.H.U.D. instead. Watch RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. Hell, watch RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II, if you must. It sucks truck-loads of dicks, but at least it’s sorta funny. C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE CHUD is an embarrassment. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Leave me alone.


My Rating:
1.5/10