Director: Jim Wynorski
Screenplay: R.J. Robertson & Jim Wynorski
Starring: Traci Lords, Arthur Roberts, Lenny Juliano, Roger Lodge
Release Date: May 20th, 1988
NOT OF THIS EARTH is a prime example of producer Roger Corman’s immense ability to pinch a penny for all it is worth until, by some mad act of alchemy, he seems to produce a movie from nothing. With this remake of his 1957 film of the same name he has recreated the no-budget look and spirit of his earlier work, albeit with a 1980’s makeover. The film was the result of a wager between Corman and director Jim Wynorski (CHOPPING MALL) wherein Wynorski bet that he could remake the ’57 film on the same budget and the same shooting schedule of twelve days. He ended up winning the bet, finishing the film up in 11 ½ days, resulting in a patchwork of a film with whole scenes from other Corman-produced films edited in as filler to (barely) string the story along.
That story involves an alien (Roberts) from a dying world landing on Earth with the purpose of harvesting his species’ primary source of food: blood. Assuming the guise of a regular-looking middle-aged dude wearing black shades, he quickly sets up shop in a Los Angeles mansion and, going under the alias of Mr. Johnson, pays Nadine (Lords) to stay as his live-in nurse, giving him daily blood transfusions to stave off his hunger. Despite these daily feedings, he still finds the time to stalk the streets and neighborhoods of L.A. at night, draining nubile nymphs and hookers of their plasma, when he’s not busy receiving transmissions from his home world detailing their ultimate goal: total world domination.
There’s a bit more to the plot than that, but to spend any more time explaining this flick would be giving it more thought than the people who made it. As previously mentioned, the flick was shot in under twelve days, looks like it was shot for the cost of a pack of ‘cigarettes, but nothing fancy like Basics. More likely Pyramids The movie’s chief selling point is the casting of Traci Lords, who up until this point had starred solely in hardcore pornography. It seems that the goal here was to show off her comedic acting chops, but mostly what she does is blandly read her lines while wearing clothing that consists solely of a nurse’s uniform, a ridiculously tiny bikini, or just nothing at all. So basically, business as usual for Ms. Lords. Not that I’m complaining or anything, but aside from her undeniable assets she doesn’t bring much to the table as far as charm or likeability, other than my wishing to see her boobs come to no harm.
When she isn’t busy sunbathing or toweling herself off in the nude, most of her screen time is spent engaging in inane, supposedly “witty” banter with Mr. Johnson’s butler Jeremy (Juliano), a beefy ex-con doofus who spends most of his time slobbering over Nadine, much to her police officer boyfriend’s chagrin. So we get lots of scenes of these folks hanging around the mansion, and then occasionally Mr. Johnson will sneak off into the night to drink more blood, at which point the director decided to shave a few bucks off of the budget by splicing in scenes from HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP. Rather than hire another actress or find another shooting location, Wynorski instead opted to shoot footage of Roberts lurking outside of a window, occasionally cutting to these shots while a scene of a girl talking on the phone from the older movie plays. If I wasn’t already familiar with HUMANOIDS…(which, by the way, is an awesome fucking amphibious rape-monster flick) I might have been fooled. But I wasn’t, and instead was just annoyed by the cheap cynicism behind it all.
I will admit there is a certain charm to the general shittiness on display here, and I did enjoy the fact that half of the cast of Wynorski’s CHOPPING MALL showed up at various points. But it really says something when the best part of a movie is it’s opening credits, which consists entirely of scenes taken from other, trashier, far more entertaining Corman movies, including GALAXY OF TERROR, previous SIHS entry FORBIDDEN WORLD, HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP, and PIRANHA. It takes a special kind of demented freak to derive any enjoyment from a ball of rotten cheese such as this, and though I am certainly just such a demented fuck-wad, I cannot in good conscience recommend this flick to anyone but the most hardcore fans of Z-grade cinema. The movie does feature eleventy pairs of boobs, though, so make of that information what you will. The best I can say about this movie is that, through clever editing of scenes from older movies into their storyline, the filmmakers were very creative in displaying their utter lack of imagination.
My Rating: 4/10
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